I asked a fellow employee if they watched a TV show the prior night and they retorted with, "I don't own a television."  There happen to be certain phrases which you can not say, without sounding like a pretentious poop.  "I don't own a television," just happens to be high up on that list.

I tried to think of as many of these phrases that I could.... here is a list that would make even Veruca Salt cringe.

- The book was better.

- I drink my coffee black, because I actually like the taste of coffee.

- Is your produce locally grown?

- Your jewelry isn't made out of blood diamonds is it?

- Nothing I buy is tested on animals.

- I can't remember the last time I ate fast food

- You let your kids drink soda?

- I like camping because I like to get away from it all.

- My dog is a rescue

- How have you never heard of this band?

- I only buy things made in America

- I went to a film festival over the weekend

- I prefer privately owned establishments

- I don't own a cellphone

- I voted

- Sorry I am late. I ran into my yoga instructor

- I am not really into sports

- I'm not excited when I meet movie stars... they're just regular people.

Well, that's all I got for now, but I am sure there is a lot more to come.  If you would like to be able to read more, or if you would like to suggest some, feel free to follow @Pretentassness  Yes I did just create that twitter account.  I'm coming for you @Humblebrag  Wait a second, is my idea too similar to Humblebrag?  AHH FUCK IT....



The end