Whack Ass Weekend 12-8-09
Tiger Woods' Jokes of the Week
You may have seen these already. I know I have gotten 3 emails so far, all containing these same jokes, but I just wanted to make sure everyone has gotten them. I feel like it is my duty. Plus, some of them are legitimately funny.
The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hithim. "I don't know exactly...put me down for a 5."
Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on howto beat Tiger.What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drivea ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he'sstill below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in themorning? They went clubbing
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. Hecouldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
Ping justoffered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be namedElin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the catfamily--his new name?: Cheetah
Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident onhis caddy?
Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we havedetected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we arecontacting Nike for a new club.
Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grabthe closest golf club we can find??!!
Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
Tiger Woods was suppose to make golf cool, but look what golf did to him. He ended up living in a gated community in Florida and can't even pull out of the driveway without running into shit. He didn't make golf cool. Golf turned him into an old white person.
Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.
Questions of the Week
When a woman marries a global icon, who travels a majority of the year, should they really expect that man to stay loyal? Or should the woman know what's coming, and just accept that with all the fortune also comes a little infidelity?
How many women do you now think feel that Tiger is a low-life? Probably a lot. Now, if I went to those women and said, "Tiger wants to marry you, thus you will never have to work again, and you will have pretty much access to everything in the world that you ever wanted, but when he is gone, he has free reign and will cheat on you." How many of those women would say yes and marry him? I bet a shitload. Fuck, I would probably say yes.
That being said, Tiger is a father and he not only cheated on his wife, he cheated on his kids. He has no right being pissed about the media disturbing his family life. He is the one that sold his family out. Welcome to TMZ Bitch!
Coffee Shop WTF? of the Week
You go to coffee shops to get caffeinated and put a little giddy-up in your step, so why do they always play music that puts you to sleep? I guess to try and sell more caffeine. Well, that answers that. Thanks for the answer Brad. Your welcome Brad.
Did I just had a conversation with myself in blog form? I may have had too much coffee already. Yup definitely too much, the mute barrista that is wearing fingerless gloves, and unnecessarily thick black rimmed glasses is giving me the, "All you did was pay for a $1 coffee, and you are taking up a table for four, and you have been here for over an hour," look. Fuck him and his semi-pirate mustache, which I am embarrassingly jealous of, due to the crappy top soil on my upper lip. No mustache growth this harvest season for the Brad Ass.
The Power of the Stache
Doesn't look that scary without it, does he?
What I Really Meant of the Week?
When I say, "I'm sorry, I am really bad with names. What was your name again?" What I actually mean is, "When I first met you, I gave no effort at all trying to remember your name, because either I thought I would never see you again, hoped to never see you again, or I didn't want or need anything from you. I probably also thought that knowing you would never help me, or reward me in the future, in anyway." Just being honest.
Stat of the Week
20% of my liquid intake this week has been orange colored hot sauce from the local burrito stand. I don't know what makes it orange or what makes it so fantastic but I don't care. I have put it on everything: McDonald's cheeseburgers, spaghetti, pizza, steak, eggs, steak and eggs, french fries. I find excuses to spill some on my hand so I have to lick it of my fingers.
Next Week on Whack Ass Weekend
Brad has orange colored poop.
Posted by Brad Ass at 12/8/2009 7:36 PM 
Categories: Whack Ass Weekend
Tags: coffee shop music what i meant tiger woods hitler without a mustache sorry what was your name hot sauce
Categories: Whack Ass Weekend
Tags: coffee shop music what i meant tiger woods hitler without a mustache sorry what was your name hot sauce
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