Proudly Updated Toaster
(I don't remember writing this but it was in a file titled "blog" in my documents. Warning, it has absolutely no flow, but most of my stuff doesn't)
I am embarrassed by how proud I am after I update computer software.
Makes me feel like I really accomplished something, when really all I do is click two buttons. It's not like I even have to search for the update, or check to see if one is available. The software that needs to be updated warns me with an "in your face" pop-up-screen and usually some sort of beeping sound, "ITUNES UPDATE AVAILABLE!"
All I have to do is (1) Calm down from the loud scary beep. Why does the beep even need to exist? When I hear a beep like that, it makes me think that, something is wrong. And when I'm opening iTunes I don't want to think that "something is wrong" and fucking with my music. (2) Safari or iTunes or whatever software that needs to be updated asks me if I want to update it, and I click YES. (3) The software pleasantly asks if I would like to restart the computer so the new software will take over. I have to be willing to give up precious internet time to let the computer restart, which usually only takes approximately 4 minutes.
That's it.... that's all I have to do... those three easy steps, but it always makes me feel so proud. Like a man who just finished building his own house, or a cat bringing inside the dead carcass of a bird to showoff, or like a Kardashian filming their first sex tape... or like a toaster when it gets finished...
God damn arrogant Toasters! No other cooking device finishes the cooking process by violently shoving the cooked food into the air for everyone to see. It's such a proud move. If I made toasters I would install a voice recording into them so when the toast was done it would yell out, "BANG! Look what Toaster made! Toaster took a raw flimsy piece of bread, and turned it into delicious crunchy toast. Look at it! Look at it EVERYONE!" (yes the toaster talks in third person when talking about himself.)
Comments