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iChattery

Some of my most entertaining/comical conversations come when I talk to my friends online. I know reading my chats doesn't sound that interesting, but what I've done here is take all my chats from this week, which I had with a bunch of different friends and turned it into one semi-flowing conversation. It's basically the highlights of my iChats. Yes, I am this bored.

Enjoy!

Brad Ass: I hate it when you have to grab a key to go to the bathroom and when you return it 15 minutes later the chick barista knows that you just took a screaming poo.

?: You should get a barista gig and then when someone does that to you, you yell out "oh man, you must have just unloaded on our toilet man, you were in there forever!!"

BA: That would be the sole reason why I would become a barista.

?: Good enough reason tho. thats epic

BA: And to make it even worse the guy before me had the key for about 30 minutes, so I walked into a shit storm.

BA: Haha, I should have taken my chocolate croissant into the bathroom with me and wiped chocolate all over my face before I returned the key.

?: Yah they would have probably not noticed or just ignored you.

BA: True, thanks for ruining my joke. If I was the barista I would hate touching those keys after people came back from the toilet. I would get one of those jars of blue liquid that barbers have to sterilize combs, and make people drop the keys in there. And, if you have to use the bathroom you have to fish the keys out of there. Maybe put one of those little toy fishing poles with the magnets on them instead of hooks, and place that next to the jar.

?: Or you could just keep the bathroom unlocked and not be such a paranoid asshole about the whole situation. What do they think people are going to do in a bathroom at a coffee shop? It's not like it's a nightclub and people are going to be blowing lines or blowing cock back there. It's a fucking coffee shop, it closes at what? 3 or 4 in the afternoon? The worst someone could do back there is steal toilet paper or forget to flush.

BA: Good point.

BA: Moving on, have you heard this shitty Postal Service knock off yet? CLICK HERE He is called Owl City.

?: What the fuck, this is such a bad rip off. It makes me want to puke.

BA: Indeed it sucks (I say while tapping my foot to the song), they are playing on radio and it was number 1 on some count-down on a station last night. I would put money on it that it will become a top 20 hit on VH1. And, who doesn't like 10,000 hugs from 1,000 lightning bugs? or something like that. I am not completely sure on the ratio of hugs to bugs.

?: Sounds like the lyrics to a shitty camp song.

BA: Nerd picture joke of the day, CLICK HERE

?: Wow, that is awful.

BA: If you are a 13 year old Yoda it's awesome.

?: This is worse CLICK HERE

BA: I may be too fucking scared to click on it.

BA: Haha that's hilarious, I will never look at Thomas Train the same way again.

?: I just don't know which one to buy?

BA: Why don't you just splooge and buy both. Did I say splooge? I meant splurge.

?: Hey Ohhhhhhh!

BA: Do we know what kind of alien species Yoda was?

?: Think he was a member of the Wookie family.

BA: Maybe an aborted wookie fetus?

?: Conversation has become too nerdy

BA: Shall we talk some more about feces?

?: I'm done with that shit too!

BA: Hey-oh, second bad pun of the day.

BA: Ugh, I am trying to watch this five hour epic staring Benecio del Toro about Che Guevera, creatively titled Che. So far the movie is taking me longer to watch than it took them to complete the cuban revoultion.

?: You mean that guy wasn't just a shirt designer like Ed Hardy? haha

More known for his shirts, than his historical importance and his pants.

BA: Hey for all I know Ed Hardy may be a revolutionary too. He's probably off trying to free the people of some land which is full of glittery tigers, golden dragons...

?: ... and lots and lots of douchebags.

BA: I'm done