I Hate Expensive Shit
The more expensive an item the more of a hassle it becomes. I thought as shit got more technologically advanced it was suppose to make our lives easier. It has done the opposite. The more expensive the television, the more remotes you need to operate it. Our cars have so many damn computers in them that it's impossible for my own mechanic to work on it. I have no choice but to take it to the dealer, because the dealer has the certain diagnostic machines capable of reading my car's problems. Yes! all this shit pisses me off but on a certain Monday morning, a certain fucking top off the line coffee maker sent me right passed pissed off, and straight to insanity.
All I wanted was a nice black cup of joe, and this coffee machine was "suppose to" give it to me with the press of a button. BUT NO! It's never that easy. First, I have to turn it on and let it warm up. After it's done warming up, if I am really lucky I can get coffee, but this never happens. The system always alerts me to some sort of system error that I have to fix. That's right! I said system when referring to a coffee maker. Since when do we need our damn coffee makers to have systems, might as well put Bluetooth and navigation in the god damn thing. Actually, Bluetooth in a coffee maker sounds fun. "Am I on speaker phone?" Nope, "You're on coffee maker!"
On this Monday morning I was lucky enough to get every damn system error.
System Error
Refill Water Tank
So, I open the door and slide out the entire water tank and start to fill it up. I am only allowed to put filtered water into the tank, so of course that comes out of the spout that flows slower than the really special kid in the 100 meter hurtles. Finally, after watching the water fill up for ten minutes the tank is full and I can put it back in the coffee maker.
System Error
Drawer Full
Fuck! This is the worst one. I have to get the keys and unluck the face to the coffee maker. You heard me. The thing has keys. I don't want to drive it. I don't want to live in it. I just want it to make me coffee. After I open the face using the keys, I slide out the drawer and dump out the used coffee grounds. I Slide the drawer back in, lock up the face, and put the keys back on the key rack. I now cross my fingers because most of the time when I do this the FUCKING SYSTEM doesn't acknowledge my fucking efforts.
System Error
Drawer Full
Fuck! Shit! Go to hell you stupid expensive coffee making devil of machine. Why! Why do you hate me! You are the reason why god no longer talks to us!
I calm down and repeat the process again.
System Error
Please Clean Group
What the fuck does that mean? I have never seen this before. I am basically on my knees praying to the java gods.
System Error
You Lose!
Noooo!
System Error
Your Worthless!
I give up!
System Error
Go to Starbucks you fucking idiot!
All I wanted was a nice black cup of joe, and this coffee machine was "suppose to" give it to me with the press of a button. BUT NO! It's never that easy. First, I have to turn it on and let it warm up. After it's done warming up, if I am really lucky I can get coffee, but this never happens. The system always alerts me to some sort of system error that I have to fix. That's right! I said system when referring to a coffee maker. Since when do we need our damn coffee makers to have systems, might as well put Bluetooth and navigation in the god damn thing. Actually, Bluetooth in a coffee maker sounds fun. "Am I on speaker phone?" Nope, "You're on coffee maker!"
On this Monday morning I was lucky enough to get every damn system error.
System Error
Refill Water Tank
So, I open the door and slide out the entire water tank and start to fill it up. I am only allowed to put filtered water into the tank, so of course that comes out of the spout that flows slower than the really special kid in the 100 meter hurtles. Finally, after watching the water fill up for ten minutes the tank is full and I can put it back in the coffee maker.
System Error
Drawer Full
Fuck! This is the worst one. I have to get the keys and unluck the face to the coffee maker. You heard me. The thing has keys. I don't want to drive it. I don't want to live in it. I just want it to make me coffee. After I open the face using the keys, I slide out the drawer and dump out the used coffee grounds. I Slide the drawer back in, lock up the face, and put the keys back on the key rack. I now cross my fingers because most of the time when I do this the FUCKING SYSTEM doesn't acknowledge my fucking efforts.
System Error
Drawer Full
Fuck! Shit! Go to hell you stupid expensive coffee making devil of machine. Why! Why do you hate me! You are the reason why god no longer talks to us!
I calm down and repeat the process again.
System Error
Please Clean Group
What the fuck does that mean? I have never seen this before. I am basically on my knees praying to the java gods.
System Error
You Lose!
Noooo!
System Error
Your Worthless!
I give up!
System Error
Go to Starbucks you fucking idiot!
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