Lonesome Lasers
The plan for this certain sunny Saturday afternoon is not to go to the beach, it is not to go play frisbee golf, it is not to do anything outside at all. The plan for this lovely and perfect day is to go to a Pink Floyd laser show at the local university. Now, I am not the biggest fan of laser shows, nor am I a die-hard Pink Floyd fan, but if a large enough group of my cohorts are going to attend an event I will follow along. But alas! My friends on this particular day are either feeling too fucking hungover from the celebrations that took part the prior night or they want to take advantage of the glorious sunshine and go outside to play. I concur with my friends and feel exactly the same way. I partied with them the night before and I also want to frolic in the sunshine, but I have already bought two tickets to the show. One for me and one for my friend, but he decided that having laser beams shot at his face was not the best way to cure a pounding headache. My only choice was to try and sell the tickets and then make heed to the beach.
This was easier said then done. I hadn't thought of what my customer base was going to consist of. It was a flock of middle-aged, middle-management, white males going through their mid-life crises. Their wives thinking they went to go play a quick nine with their poker buddies but in actuality once they drove their fully loaded SUVs out of the neighborhood it was anything but. They traded in their I-zods for tank-tops. They exchanged their 5 woods for marijuana cigarettes. They were reliving their days of no responsibilities. It was the 70s all over again for them and the last thing they want to deal with was a 25 year old kid scalping laser show tickets.
The reason why a stoned individual is not the most receptive customer for a scalper is simple. A recently baked mother fucker wants nothing to disrupt their plan of action. They know what product they are going to buy and they know how the transaction is going to take place. They have it all planned out in their head. A lot of times they will even have the correct amount of money already separated from the rest, so when they have to pay for an item they don't have to shuffle through their wallet. Now, this hurts my sales because I totally throw of their game plan when I offer them a discount on my already purchased tickets.
I stand right in front of the ticket booth to try and catch someone that is need of what I am selling. But, every time I try and approach one of these blazed old bastards I can totally tell I am catching them by surprise. They either mumble something strange, speed up their stride, or just look at me with a blank stare. It also didn't help that I had a print out of a e-ticket and not a real ticket. This really freaked them out. One of them actually blamed me for trying to scam them. If I was going to be a con-artist I am pretty sure that working the "laser show racket" wouldn't be my first choice.
So, I was not able to relinquish my tickets to a needy customer and I had to partake in lasers by myself, god damnit! I left after about three songs. When I tried to get out of my aisle a huge fucking fat guy was asleep and there was no way around him. Who the fuck falls asleep in a laser show after three god damn songs? Fat stoned people... that's who! Anyways, I am stuck in front of his wife and I look at her and said, "I think he is asleep.' She does nothing! So, I am forced to fucking nudge some unknown dude in the leg until he wakes up. Of course he is a heavy sleeper, so I basically have to kick him. Finally he wakes up and gives me an evil stare. He didn't have to say anything because his eyes did all they talking. They said, "Why the fuck did you just kick me, and more importantly why the fuck are you at a Pink Floyd Laser Show all by yourself."
(Well that got a little long winded... no more posts after a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.)
This was easier said then done. I hadn't thought of what my customer base was going to consist of. It was a flock of middle-aged, middle-management, white males going through their mid-life crises. Their wives thinking they went to go play a quick nine with their poker buddies but in actuality once they drove their fully loaded SUVs out of the neighborhood it was anything but. They traded in their I-zods for tank-tops. They exchanged their 5 woods for marijuana cigarettes. They were reliving their days of no responsibilities. It was the 70s all over again for them and the last thing they want to deal with was a 25 year old kid scalping laser show tickets.
The reason why a stoned individual is not the most receptive customer for a scalper is simple. A recently baked mother fucker wants nothing to disrupt their plan of action. They know what product they are going to buy and they know how the transaction is going to take place. They have it all planned out in their head. A lot of times they will even have the correct amount of money already separated from the rest, so when they have to pay for an item they don't have to shuffle through their wallet. Now, this hurts my sales because I totally throw of their game plan when I offer them a discount on my already purchased tickets.
I stand right in front of the ticket booth to try and catch someone that is need of what I am selling. But, every time I try and approach one of these blazed old bastards I can totally tell I am catching them by surprise. They either mumble something strange, speed up their stride, or just look at me with a blank stare. It also didn't help that I had a print out of a e-ticket and not a real ticket. This really freaked them out. One of them actually blamed me for trying to scam them. If I was going to be a con-artist I am pretty sure that working the "laser show racket" wouldn't be my first choice.
So, I was not able to relinquish my tickets to a needy customer and I had to partake in lasers by myself, god damnit! I left after about three songs. When I tried to get out of my aisle a huge fucking fat guy was asleep and there was no way around him. Who the fuck falls asleep in a laser show after three god damn songs? Fat stoned people... that's who! Anyways, I am stuck in front of his wife and I look at her and said, "I think he is asleep.' She does nothing! So, I am forced to fucking nudge some unknown dude in the leg until he wakes up. Of course he is a heavy sleeper, so I basically have to kick him. Finally he wakes up and gives me an evil stare. He didn't have to say anything because his eyes did all they talking. They said, "Why the fuck did you just kick me, and more importantly why the fuck are you at a Pink Floyd Laser Show all by yourself."
(Well that got a little long winded... no more posts after a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.)
Posted by Brad Ass at 4/22/2009 9:26 PM 
Categories: Whatever
Tags: laser show middle aged potheads pink floyd
Categories: Whatever
Tags: laser show middle aged potheads pink floyd
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