Whack Ass Weekend 4-19-09
The Lone Star Country
If Texas secedes from the union...
...I will no longer, "Remember the Alamo!"
...we will have to annex Puerto Rico because I aint going to buy a new flag with 49 stars.
...the Dallas Cowboys will no longer be "America's Team."
...we will not rename the NFL the IFL. (International Football League)
Fucking Tangent - One man could absolutely shutdown this whole idea of secession, and that man is NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell. All he would have to do is release a statement informing everyone that the NFL will not and will never allow international teams. The citizens of Texas would immediately forget any ideas of sovereignty.
...reruns of the TV show Dallas we be aired with subtitles.
...we will be able to blame another country for Bush.
...we will declare war on them for the assinatination our 35th president.
...we will refer to this guy as Stephen "Go F Yourself" Austin
...AND WE WILL "MESS WITH TEXAS!"
Yup! This is Happening
So, we are getting tricked into internet scams by Nigerians and our ships are being taken over by Somalian Pirates. That's all I have to say about that.
Madden Out, Cris In
Goodbye John! I am going to miss a guy telling me that, "After you gain ten yards, not only do you get a first down, but you also get a whole new set of downs." Just Brilliant. Am I the only guy that thought he was completely overrated? For some reason saying, "John Madden Sucks!" is as unamerican as proclaiming, "Lance Armstrong is on steroids."
I'm looking forward to an Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth booth. With the edition of Collinsworth, Sunday Night Football takes an even further jump ahead of Monday Night Football. How can ESPN mess up pro-football so bad? When they had SNF it was far inferior to its Monday counterpart and now that ESPN got MNF it has totally flipped the other direction. Get your shit together ESPN! Quit bringing in movie stars and players' wives into the booth to plug their new movies and books. Stop treating it like entertainment. This is football, it's business time baby!
Life Imitates Art
I went to go see the movie Observe and Report and by far the best part was after it was done I got yelled at by a real Mall Cop. I was in a mall that I had never been in before and I was trying to get down to my car in the parking garage. The escalator I needed to take was broken and roped off. I don't know why you rope off a broken escalator. Just let people walk up and down it. As Mitch Hedberg said, "An escalator can't break, it just becomes stairs."
Anyways, the other side of the escalator was still working and instead of walking an extra mile to get down to my car I just decided to run down the up escalator. I know, I am way too old to be running down the wrong side of escalators but what are you going to do?
So, right when I started down I heard a women's voice shout, "Excuse me sir... YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" I was already half way down, didn't look back, and I never saw her. My friend was left up there with the cop, explaining to her that he didn't know the 25 year old douche-bag that just acted like a 12 year old.
I wonder if I saw a movie other than an awful mall cop movie if I would have done the same thing. Probably not.
If Texas secedes from the union...
...I will no longer, "Remember the Alamo!"
...we will have to annex Puerto Rico because I aint going to buy a new flag with 49 stars.
...the Dallas Cowboys will no longer be "America's Team."
...we will not rename the NFL the IFL. (International Football League)
Fucking Tangent - One man could absolutely shutdown this whole idea of secession, and that man is NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell. All he would have to do is release a statement informing everyone that the NFL will not and will never allow international teams. The citizens of Texas would immediately forget any ideas of sovereignty.
...reruns of the TV show Dallas we be aired with subtitles.
...we will be able to blame another country for Bush.
...we will declare war on them for the assinatination our 35th president.
...we will refer to this guy as Stephen "Go F Yourself" Austin
...AND WE WILL "MESS WITH TEXAS!"
Yup! This is Happening
Madden Out, Cris In
Goodbye John! I am going to miss a guy telling me that, "After you gain ten yards, not only do you get a first down, but you also get a whole new set of downs." Just Brilliant. Am I the only guy that thought he was completely overrated? For some reason saying, "John Madden Sucks!" is as unamerican as proclaiming, "Lance Armstrong is on steroids."
I'm looking forward to an Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth booth. With the edition of Collinsworth, Sunday Night Football takes an even further jump ahead of Monday Night Football. How can ESPN mess up pro-football so bad? When they had SNF it was far inferior to its Monday counterpart and now that ESPN got MNF it has totally flipped the other direction. Get your shit together ESPN! Quit bringing in movie stars and players' wives into the booth to plug their new movies and books. Stop treating it like entertainment. This is football, it's business time baby!
Life Imitates Art
I went to go see the movie Observe and Report and by far the best part was after it was done I got yelled at by a real Mall Cop. I was in a mall that I had never been in before and I was trying to get down to my car in the parking garage. The escalator I needed to take was broken and roped off. I don't know why you rope off a broken escalator. Just let people walk up and down it. As Mitch Hedberg said, "An escalator can't break, it just becomes stairs."
Anyways, the other side of the escalator was still working and instead of walking an extra mile to get down to my car I just decided to run down the up escalator. I know, I am way too old to be running down the wrong side of escalators but what are you going to do?
So, right when I started down I heard a women's voice shout, "Excuse me sir... YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" I was already half way down, didn't look back, and I never saw her. My friend was left up there with the cop, explaining to her that he didn't know the 25 year old douche-bag that just acted like a 12 year old.
I wonder if I saw a movie other than an awful mall cop movie if I would have done the same thing. Probably not.
Posted by Brad Ass at 4/19/2009 9:16 AM 
Categories: Whack Ass Weekend
Tags: texas secedes observe and report madden
Categories: Whack Ass Weekend
Tags: texas secedes observe and report madden
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