Idol Crapper
I'm about to take a big crap on American Idol... ughhhhh..... uhhhh... here it comes!
It's Not Whether You Win or Lose...
I don't care anymore. I have stopped watching because it doesn't matter who wins. Too many times have people that didn't win go on to have successful careers. David Archuleta didn't win last year and his new record is having great success. Daughtry got 4th place and he is has been by far the biggest success from season 5. Jennifer Hudson didn't win and she ended up winning an Oscar. The list of non-winner success stories goes on and on... Kellie Pickler, Clay Aiken, etc. I know most of you feel happy that they got to go on and do what they love and all that crap, but not me. It makes for bad TV. Why watch the finale when you know it doesn't matter whole gets the title.
Heres my fix.
No prize for second place. Winner takes all baby! Once you get to the top 12 you have to sign a contract saying if you don't win you are never allowed to do anything in the entertainment business. I know it sounds cruel but could you imagine how exciting that last episode would be. One gets everything they ever hoped for and the other gets their dreams absolutely demolished. The winner signs a record deal, is guaranteed to go platinum and the loser has to go back to Bum-fuck, Carolina and the only thing they will be legally allowed to sing is, "Happy Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Day!" while they bus tables at Chile's.
A lot of you are saying, "Who would sign that contract?" The answer is that everyone would. This has got to be honestly their only chance to make it, so they will take it.
...It's Whether We Pity You
Does it make me a bad person if every time I see the "The Blind Guy" or "The Widower that looks like Robert Downey Jr." I hear the song, I've Got a Golden Ticket play in my head? The two of them should seriously sing that song as a duet. I haven't watched since Hollywood Week but I am sure that both are still going strong and they are both going to make it to the top five because of their handicaps. Wait! we're not suppose to say that word anymore... I mean they will make it because of their "handi-capabilities."
I wouldn't have that big of a problem with this but "The Widower's" friend was a much better singer then him. I know he had a piercing through his cheekbone and sang the god awful Hello Delilah song but he was still a better singer.
Odds that they have Stevie Wonder play a duet with "The Blind Guy,"= Even Money.
(I can already see the dueling pianos. If they added Andre Bocelli they could star in the Brodway Musical, The Three Blind Mice.... Hey-Oh, bad joke.)
Paula Gets a Free Pass
We all know about Paula's controversial sexual escapades with a contestant a few years ago and we have all seen her eye-fuck the crap out of some of the male contestants since then. I say we go ahead and give her a free pass on one of the guys and let her sleep with that poor individual. It would be pretty entertaining watching the guys try to be appealing enough to get the female vote, while also making sure not to get Paula's attention. Once Paula decided on her man she would throw down her pass, and the guy would have to proceed directly to bed without passing go and without collecting $200.
Awwwwww! That felt good.... Double flusher!
It's Not Whether You Win or Lose...
I don't care anymore. I have stopped watching because it doesn't matter who wins. Too many times have people that didn't win go on to have successful careers. David Archuleta didn't win last year and his new record is having great success. Daughtry got 4th place and he is has been by far the biggest success from season 5. Jennifer Hudson didn't win and she ended up winning an Oscar. The list of non-winner success stories goes on and on... Kellie Pickler, Clay Aiken, etc. I know most of you feel happy that they got to go on and do what they love and all that crap, but not me. It makes for bad TV. Why watch the finale when you know it doesn't matter whole gets the title.
Heres my fix.
No prize for second place. Winner takes all baby! Once you get to the top 12 you have to sign a contract saying if you don't win you are never allowed to do anything in the entertainment business. I know it sounds cruel but could you imagine how exciting that last episode would be. One gets everything they ever hoped for and the other gets their dreams absolutely demolished. The winner signs a record deal, is guaranteed to go platinum and the loser has to go back to Bum-fuck, Carolina and the only thing they will be legally allowed to sing is, "Happy Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Day!" while they bus tables at Chile's.
A lot of you are saying, "Who would sign that contract?" The answer is that everyone would. This has got to be honestly their only chance to make it, so they will take it.
...It's Whether We Pity You
Does it make me a bad person if every time I see the "The Blind Guy"
I wouldn't have that big of a problem with this but "The Widower's" friend was a much better singer then him. I know he had a piercing through his cheekbone and sang the god awful Hello Delilah song but he was still a better singer.
Odds that they have Stevie Wonder play a duet with "The Blind Guy,"= Even Money.
(I can already see the dueling pianos. If they added Andre Bocelli they could star in the Brodway Musical, The Three Blind Mice.... Hey-Oh, bad joke.)
Paula Gets a Free Pass
We all know about Paula's controversial sexual escapades with a contestant a few years ago and we have all seen her eye-fuck the crap out of some of the male contestants since then. I say we go ahead and give her a free pass on one of the guys and let her sleep with that poor individual. It would be pretty entertaining watching the guys try to be appealing enough to get the female vote, while also making sure not to get Paula's attention. Once Paula decided on her man she would throw down her pass, and the guy would have to proceed directly to bed without passing go and without collecting $200.
Awwwwww! That felt good.... Double flusher!
Posted by Brad Ass at 3/9/2009 6:54 PM 
Categories: Television
Tags: american idol reality television television bradassnews
Categories: Television
Tags: american idol reality television television bradassnews
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