NOOOOOO!!!
I was going through my dad's computer the other day and I stumbled upon a file titled, Brad Pictures. It was nostalgic and entertaining to see photos of Little Brad Ass and Awkward Puberty Brad Ass, but then it all went to shit. My heart dropped and my gut wrenched as I starred at the worst thing that these two eyes have ever seen. It was even worse than 2 Girls 1 CUP. It was a picture of me on my 15th birthday. I had a horribly short haircut, awful skin and clear braces on my teeth that instead of making my teeth look free of metal they just made my teeth look yellow and weird. Although disturbing, that was not what bothered me the most. What really got to me, and made me almost puke on my dad's new laptop was the shirt I was wearing. I had on a GOD DAMN RED SOX SHIRT! Anyone who knows me at all knows that I loathe anything relating to Boston Sports. I hate the fans (the real ones but the bandwagoneers the most), I hate players, but most of all, I am just a hater and I hate them for all their recent success.
Seeing this picture I think I can now relate to how the guy felt in The Crying Game. We both thought we were living perfectly normal lives but then our worlds we turned upside down as he found out his girlfriend had a penis and I discovered that I owned a Red Sox shirt. If you ask me, the two are pretty equal when it comes to the level of devastation.
How could I forget that I owned this shroud of evil? Was it so damaging that I just blacked it out of my mind? Maybe one of my boston friends photoshopped a picture and somehow got it onto my dad's computer. That is a far stretch as a bostonian would have to know how to use Photoshop, and that is a pretty big assumption. It would be more likely that one of them hopped into the Delorian, went back in time, and placed the shirt into my drawer.
(That movie would have been a lot different if Doc Brown just invented the time machine to go back in time and play sports pranks on his friends. Though, it sounds like a lot better movie than Back to the Future II.)
I am now starting to remember things about this shirt. I bought it at a thrift store in Chandler, Arizona. I wore it all the time. It was one of my favorite shirts. ahhhh Shit!
At least I am not wearing a Nebraska Hat and Spurs Sunglasses
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