The Election, Sex and Defecation
5:00 pm
They just showed Grant Park in Chicago on CNN; the spot where Obama will soon give his acceptance speech. There is an electric atmosphere as people pour into the park to partake in a historic event. The event is open to everyone and crowds are estimated to be around 500,000 people. It resembles a concert festival.
Now CNN shows the republican location. It's in a fancy hotel ballroom in Phoenix. It is a closed event, invitation only. Right now they have an all boys choir dressed up in suits singing to a bunch of white haired business men. If the choir was singing Jingle Bells it would resemble an awful company Christmas party.
And we wonder why the youths of America are more apt to be democrats.
5:30
Each network and cable station are competing for the best special effects. None of them seem to be in real studios any more, instead they are all in front of green screens. The guy on Fox News is especially interested in the green screen technology. He is amazed that his cohort can point to the right places when he can only see green. Obviously, he is unaware that weathermen have been using this technology for 20 years.
FOX all around just sucks when it comes to quality, especially FOX Sports. Just watch a NCAA Football game on ESPN and then turn to the game on FOX Sports. The difference is night and day. I have seen broadcasts of local high school football games better than FOX Sports. What is FOX filming the games with? An 8 millimeter camera and hiring the the local college town homeless guys to do the play by play. IT SUCKS!!! They have the rights to PAC-10 and Big 12 games and they absolutely ruin those games and in my mind they are hurting those conferences. One reason I think everyone likes the SEC so much is because its on CBS and their HD kicks ass.
6:15
Al Franken, an Independent running for senator in Minnesota is losing right now. I am really pulling for Franken because he played Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live in the early 90s. If you had Jessy "The Body" Ventura as a Governor the next logical step is to have Stuart Smalley as a Senator. Isn't he good enough... smart enough... and gosh darn it, don't people like him?
6:36
THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN!!!
Obama gets Ohio! McCain now has to pull out a few Boise St. Fiesta Bowl plays to win it. I don't think he has got the hook-n-ladder, half back pass and statue of liberty in his playbook to pull it off. Though, he might propose to a cheerleader after he gets loaded off of enough Budweiser provided by his wife's distributing company.
6:55
With only 12% of my recent In-N-Out reporting, I can declare that I have to poop.
7:03
FOX News just called Texas for McCain.
Karl Rove, now a FOX News Analyst actually throws up the Hook'em Horns and starts to hum the Texas Fight Song. This makes me happy that they lost to Texas Tech over the weekend.
7:38
I just got an email from a friend with the sexual position of the day. Enjoy....
7:40
Stuart Smalley takes the lead!
8:05
The west coast polls close and.....
BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT!!!
8:18
Goodbye My Friends!
John McCain gives his concession speech. It is heartfelt, gracious, AND NO MENTION OF JOE THE PLUMBER!
McCain is a good man. He is a better man then the character he played during his campaign for presidency. He had to sell out to get his party's nomination and that is sad. He once was truly a maverick, but that stopped once strategists stepped in and labeled him, The Maverick.
8:44
No longer looks good for Stuart Smalley
8:48
CNN shows an aerial view of Grant Park... "Yo man! When does Phish go on?"
8:57
He Talks So Pretty.
Obama gives an eloquent speech.
Oprah watches, teary eyed and leaning on a dorky looking white guy. The white guy's facial expression, "Holy Shit! is Oprah leaning on me?"
3:00 AM!
Barack awakes from his sleep in a cold sweat.
He realizes he just won the rights to George W Bush's Sloppy Seconds
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