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Yearning for the Curling
I have fallen in love with this sport. As of right now, my sports list goes like this...
1. Football
2. Soccer
3. Curling
4. everything else jumbled in a haze
5. Boring ass baseball
FYI, this list goes by sports I currently find the most entertaining to watch. I just got really into the English Premier League, and obviously Curling just bleeped onto my radar. This list is not how much I know about each sport, so don't try and start to talk to me about certain soccer players in Europe and what not.
Let's count the ways in which Curling is Brad Ass...
1. Boobies
Yes, let's go ahead and count this as number one.
I give you the Russians CLICK HERE
... And the topless Dane (NSFW) CLICK HERE
The female announcer yesterday joked with Wayne Gretzky that maybe, Naked Curling, would be a good idea. I am starting to think that all the women involved in this sport are horny as hell.
It's also fun to hear the ladies yell at each to broom, "HARD! HARDER!!!"
2. Terminology
"They have the hammer, shot rock, two of their stones are on the button, and they have a total of 5 rocks in the house!"
If that sentence didn't both, confuse the shit out of you, and also make you love this sport then you are dead inside.
Based on these terms, my father and I have been text messaging each other back and forth with slogan ideas for curling shirts. Here is what we got so far...
- Rock the House
- Be the Stone
- Get Stoned
- Sweep Bitch
- Real Men have Brooms
- Rock My Button (for the ladies)
It also has given me a term to label someone the best, "You're Shot Rock." Shot Rock is the stone closest to the center of the target. So, if someone were to surprise me with McDonald's breakfast, I would obviously say, "Thanks bro, you're shot rock." And they would look at me and say, "You're a douche, and you owe me $4.50."
For a list of all the fun terms, such as Wicky Wacky Woo CLICK HERE
3. Human Zamboni
They don't show the Ice Maker on TV, which is a mistake, because it is a good time. I was looking for a video online but couldn't find it. Basically it's a guy wearing a water back-pack who shuffles backwards on the ice as he holds out a hose in front of him. The hose is connected to the back-pack and he quickly flicks it back and forth to spread the water evenly across the ice. It's one of the goofiest things you have ever seen, and I guess when it happens in Canada, the crowd loses their shit.
I saw this on HBO Real Sports, earlier this month. If you happen to have a fancy TV set-up with one of those on demand thingys you should check it out.
4. Drinking Sport
This is definitely one of those sports that it appears you, not only have to drink while playing, but you get better the drunker you get. It being an Olympic Sport gives all of us hope that one day we could be playing, Beer Pong, Horse Shoes, Ladder Golf (we just call it BALLZ!) or even Flip Cup in the Olympics someday.
Old college drinking buddies / future Olympians?
Video: Dolph Lundgren A Little Less Conversation
Simply amazing
Video: Ivan Drago vs. Apollo Creed 2
Yup, more Dolph Lundgren
Video: Yup... You're on TV
At the 1:33 mark the guy realizes, "ahhh fuck, I'm on TV," and gives a great head whip.
Pic: Snowboarder Medal-ing
Scotty Lago, winner of the Bronze Medal for Half Pipe, was asked to leave Vancouver for trying to feed this Asian lady.
Honestly, who wouldn't use an Olympic Medal to pick up chicks? It's the equivalent of wearing a necklace that has a puppy, and a baby hanging from it. Hanging from it in a good, cute way. Not hanging from the necklace in a bad, dead way. Girls are not attracted to men that wear dead hanging babies and puppies around their necks, or so I'm told.
Gift: Semen Cook Book
Step 1. Masturbate.
(yes I found this because I watch Tosh.0)
Whack Ass Weekend 2-10-10
I feel like I haven't written for awhile. I would go back and check to see when my last entry was, but I am too lazy, and when it comes to most things in life, I simply don't give a shit. I like to start most entries by giving my readers a, "uhhh" feeling, and I feel like I have accomplished this.
Moving on...
Poser of the Week
Me.
Last week I bought a hat. Those of you who know me, know that I am very particular about said hats, so this was pretty monumental.
I'm currently sitting at my Whack Ass Weekend Coffee bar and not even 15 minutes ago the barristta looked up at my hat and asked, "have you seen that movie." I had not. Further more, it is a surfer movie and I don't surf. This lead to him giving me a look that said, "what a poser," and me returning with a look that simply said, "I know, I am sorry."
I may give him the hat when I leave.
Picture of the Week
CLICK HERE
We Can't Be Friends of the Week
Over my lifetime I have found that there are some certain things that people do, they don't necessarily annoy me, but if they do them, I know that we're not going to be compatible as friends. These things just say something about their personality. Something I don't care for.
Here is a list of some of those things...
1. Saving receipts
2. Sending food back (unless it isn't what you ordered.)
C. Referring to your pets as "your children"
#. Screaming out loud "I love this song."
%. Driving a truck that has a vanity license plate, which explains how much you love your truck.
6. Watching Fox News
+. Whining about how you have to quit some sort of addiction, but the addiction is really weak and not life threatening; caffeine, red meat, watching too much TV, masturbation, etc...
&. Shaving all their body hair
8. Having an order at Starbucks that takes longer than 2 seconds to communicate.
9. Making lists about how you know you won't be friends with people because they do certain things.
Videos of the Week
"Lay back and think of England," has now been added to my phrase bank.
and this just cracks me up...
DONE... Yes it was short but I have some long entries that I am halfway through and those will be up soon.
Best Joke Combination Gift Ever
The best joke combo gift giving gift presents are this...
Plus this...
Whack Ass Weekend 2-1-10
Tweets of the Week
robhuebel I'm sitting in such a way that if I were an old-timey pioneer lady in a dress, you could see my enormous old-timey pioneer bush right now
michaelianblack I think the iPad might end up being the Jar Jar Binks of Apple.
Jesus_M_Christ I've never been a fan of pornography. It's like having a cookbook and no food.
indecisiviously: I'm so excited!!! Just another inch and my pubes will totally cover all the sores!!
bradassnews The best way to make sure you never share a password with someone is to make your passwords super racist
robcorddry The formula for every Daily Show piece in less than two minutes: http://bit.ly/apV5iy
sucittaM They say the gender of a baby can be determined by the sexual position used: which means we are having a dog, a cowgirl, or a hot carl
bradassnews Simpsons episodes centered around Lisa should be centered in my asshole, because they are shit
Link of the Week
CLICK HERE
(make sure to play the music while you are looking at those pictures)
Picture of the Week
"It's not me saying these anti-semitic things, it's Mr. Beaverton."
Video of the Week
Remix of the Week
Phoenix - Lisztomania (Classixx Mix)
IM DONE, SHORT ONE, WHO CARES